Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
