He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
