Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
