Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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