I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
