my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
