dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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