Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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