I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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