New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
