We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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