trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
