We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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