I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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