I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
