oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
