I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
