he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he thought i was a dude.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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