Someone shit on the floor
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
we should paint friendship bongs
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