Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
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We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
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She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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