Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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