TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
