I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize