You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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