And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I have peed in a lot of sinks
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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