Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
zippers are such a cool invention
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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