Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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