Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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