He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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