my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
