If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it's great music for shaving your balls
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I forgot wine drunk hurts
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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