Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
