..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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