it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
