She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
