speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
