walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
