I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
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Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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