I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
