: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
