see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
someone owes me an orgasm
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
