worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
