so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
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He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
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I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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