Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
