nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
