The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
