I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
