I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
