I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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