Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
