she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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