Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
