call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
3pm strippers are depressing
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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