is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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