Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
