I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
