Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Alive.
So much puke
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
