I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
