We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
