I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I could have mohawked her pubes.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
