ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
