is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
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i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
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I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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