I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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