your thong is hanging out like whoa
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
