so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
