Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
