I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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