He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
