I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
