Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
